In retrospect too all my COP jokes
Police Officers Are Just Human Beings
Police officers, believe it or not, ARE human. They come
in both sexes, but mostly male. They also come in various
sizes. This sometimes depends on whether you are looking
for one or trying to hide something. However, they are mostly
big.
Police officers are found everywhere, on land, on sea,
in the air, on horses, and sometimes in your hair. In spite
of the fact that you can't find one when you want
one, they are usually there when it counts most.
The best way to get one is to pick up the nearest phone. Police
officers deliver lectures, babies, and bad news. They
are required to have the wisdom of Solomon, the disposition
of a lamb and muscles of steel, and are often accused of having
a heart to match. He is the one who rings the doorbell, swallows
hard, and announces the passing of a loved one, then spends
the rest of the day wondering why he took such a crummy job.
Police officers on television, are oafs who couldn't
find a bull fiddle inside a telephone booth. In real life,
he is expected to find a little blonde boy about so
high in a crowd of a half million people, In fiction
he gets his help from private eyes, reporters
and who-dun-it fans. In real life, mostly
all he gets from the public is I didn't see nuttin.
When he serves a summons, he is a monster. If he lets you go,
he is a Doll. To little kids, he is either a
friend or a boogey-man depending on how the
parents feel about it.
Police officers work around the
clock, split shifts, Sundays, and holidays, and it always
kills him when a joker says, Hey, tomorrow is election
day, I'm off, let's go fishing. (That is
the day he works 20 hours.)
When a police officer is good, he is a grafter, and
that goes for the rest of them too. When he shoots
a stick-up man, he is a hero, except when the stick-up man
is only a kid, anybody coulda seen that. Police
officers have homes, some of them are covered with ivy,
but most of them mortgages. If he drives a big car, he's
a chiseler; a little car -- who is he kidding?
His credit is good; that is very helpful, because his salary
isn't.
Police officers raise lots of kids; mostly they belong
to other people. Police officers see more misery, bloodshed,
trouble and sunrises that the average person. Like the
postman, the police officer must be in all kinds of weather.
His uniform changes with the climate, but his outlook on
life remains the same; mostly a blank, but always hoping
for a better world. Police officers like days off, vacations
and coffee. They don't like auto horns, family fights
and anonymous letter writers. They have an Association,
but they do not strike. They must be impartial, courteous
and always remember the slogan, at your service.
This is sometimes hard, especially when some character
reminds him, I'm a taxpayer, I pay your salary.
Police officers get medals for saving lives, stopping
runaway horses, and shooting it out with bandits (once
in a while his widow gets the medal). But sometimes the most
rewarding moment comes when, after some small kindness
to a person, he feels the warm handclasp, looks into grateful
eyes, and hears, thank you and God bless you, son.